The New Cellphone

It has a shoulder you can cry on
that has hands-free bluetooth
and one blue tooth as a joke
that can perform laser eye surgery.

The keypad is beyond a keypad.
You can't imagine it,
even in the future,
but it works with your hidden desires
and undulates pleasantly.

"It" is actually a he;
they are all "he's"
except for the queen
and she is a transvestite.

In their incessant anger,
which they deny when asked
they disrupt the earth's magnetic field.
All the birds and fish move
in unsteady circles,

their eyes already corroded
by squid people venom
if they aren't robots already.